Friday, February 4, 2011

motherhood guilt

The tricky thing about being a mom is that I let what's going in my day get to my head. I feel so fulfilled when my kids are healthy and happy. It's the best feeling. Then when they are having rougher days I question myself. And then there is that mother guilt. It gets to me sometimes.

Yesterday was one of those days when everything started so smoothly. I woke up early to my sunshine boy and had some quiet minutes with him. Played with him and filled his little belly and then he was ready to go back to bed. Which meant I got to climb back into my own warm bed (don't judge, it was only 5:30 by that time). I woke up an hour later to Amelie standing by my bed with an arm full of books. Love, love, love that.

Then there was breakfast and playgroup and running to preschool, running some errands (with only one kid!).

Then after coming home I was getting ready to put C down for a nap and he had a mouthful of Amelie's crackers she had in her bag from preschool in his mouth. He has food intolerances and can't have gluten or dairy. We are still trying to figure it all out right now and it's a bit of a nightmare. But needless to say even after swiping most of it out of his mouth, he was still quite sick after. I held him for a good long time while he cried and felt awful and of course, I felt awful.

Anyways, there just seems like there is always something I'm feeling guilty about. I know this might be an extreme situation, usually it's just things like feeling guilty over letting my babies cry it out or I feel guilty when I rock them to sleep because they should be learning how to go to sleep by themselves. Or I feel guilty that I don't play with them enough or because I did play with them and my house is insane when the mister comes home. I just decided that this motherhood guilt is something I'm going to be trying my utmost to let go of.  I know it can play a part. It can push me to do better everyday and to work harder at taking care of these sweet kids I have. But if I am trying my hardest everyday then it's not constructive and it only makes me a little crazy. I really just get in my own way when I feel guilty because it sucks the happiness out of me. So here's to letting go!

1 comment:

  1. Jessica, I know this post is really old but I wanted you to know how it touched me. I have been having a really hard day with "Mommy Guilt" as my steadfast companion. I am a first time mommy to 10-month-old Gus and I feel guilty when I have those days I wish I could just crawl back in bed and be alone. AWFUL. Thankfully those days are very rare but he brings such joy to my life and when I do get a day away, I miss him the entire time. I just night-weaned him two weeks ago and I thought it was going to be such an ordeal. It only took him two nights. It turns out, I am the one that needed time to adjust. As tired as I was waking up with him 2-3 times a night, I never want to forget those precious moments in the dark where it was just my sweet baby Gus and me while the rest of the world slept. Thank you for sharing your heart about The Guilt...what an icky side effect of Mommyhood. Have a great weekend!


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